Unfortunately the time has come for me to write my this blog. Last week, on Tuesday, I went into the hospital to get an MRI on my brain. For about seven weeks things were becoming more and more difficult for me and Jon was worried. We met with our neurologist the week prior and he suggested that it would be a good idea to get the MRI and Dr. M agreed. I wasn’t really in a rush to get it but over that weekend I started to get confused easily and was starting to have some pain. So, Jon asked the doctors if they could hurry up the MRI and he scheduled it for Wednesday. On Tuesday, the clinic called and said they had a bed for me today and to get your butt here. So, we packed up and made our way to the hospital. We checked in and later that day we got our scan, but to get it they had to put me to sleep otherwise my tremors would ruin the image. At 7:30 in the evening I arrived back to my room happier than I’ve been in a long time. Jon told me that I ripped out my IV proclaiming that I’m done with the hospital, while blood squirted out of the wound. Julio, the fireman, was waiting for me outside the door, and there was a bunch of kids in the bathroom playing. Whatever they gave me was GREAT!!! I don’t know if Jon enjoyed it much, but at least I made him laugh.
On Wednesday, Dr. M came to see us in the late morning and told us the bad news. The cancer is growing and there are no more medical options available to me. At this point the goal is to make me as comfortable as possible. So, I got some new pills to help with my pain and they work most of the time. I still get really bad spells of pain but for most of the day I’m doing okay. I have problem using the toilet now so I have to be on a special diet that sucks. I hate being told I can’t eat something.
But what I hate the most is doing this, telling my friends that I’m not going to live much longer. It breaks my heart having to tell you and hearing the pain in your voices as you search for the words in response. But take comfort, I’m getting ready for the end. I’ve fought for almost six years and made the most out of my time. Jon and I ventured all over the world, I spent time with my family, and lived as best I could. I regret not having children with Jon and, frankly, not seeing everything this world has to offer. I wish I could see all my friends have their babies, especially my dearest friend Randi. I wish I could host one more party with all of my friends. I wish I could cook another meal with my mother, but alas, there is no more time for these things. All the time I have now is to say good-bye and wish you all happiness and peace. May you all spend your life as I did exploring the world, seeking new experiences, helping others and eating great food and drinking even better wine.
So the only thing I have left to say to you know is GOOD-BYE AND I LOVE YOU!